Is it really possible to love the unlovable?
It sounds noble and godly when we talk about it — the kind of love that extends grace to those who hurt us, the kind of patience that stays calm even when provoked. But when we’re face-to-face with someone whose words cut deep, or whose actions repeatedly disappoint, the idea of loving them suddenly feels impossible.
Maybe it’s a friend who betrayed your trust. A parent or sibling who constantly criticizes you. A co-worker who makes everything harder. Or someone who has simply stopped trying to be kind.
When you’re in that moment — when the hurt is raw and the tension real — it’s not easy to say, “Lord, I’ll still choose love.” You find yourself asking, “Really, Lord? Even this attitude, even this character, I should still love?”
This command to love feels easier said than done.
But even Jesus told us that in this world we would face battles (John 16:33) — and not all of them are external.
Some of the hardest ones happen within us: the battle between right and wrong, kindness and retaliation, humility and pride.
Sometimes that battle doesn’t even come in big dramatic moments — it sneaks up in the mundane.
- Like when your sibling disrespects you.
- When your parent says something that feels unfair.
- When someone mocks you or uses harsh words.
And you feel that sting inside. That ache that says, “I don’t deserve this.”
Sometimes we end in silent resentment. Sometimes we respond with anger.
Because our human instinct is to defend, to protect, to make sure the other person knows they’ve hurt us.
But when we pause and look back, we realize — that kind of reaction rarely ends well. It may satisfy our pride for a moment, but it leaves us emptier afterward.
The relationship breaks a little more. And our hearts, instead of being at peace, feel heavier.
Through time, I’ve learned something simple yet life-changing: our emotions, though valid, are often unreliable guides. They can lead us to react in ways that don’t reflect who we truly want to be in Christ.
So whenever I feel myself getting stirred — the heat in my chest, the quickening of words in my mind — I take it as a nudge from the Lord to pause. To breathe. To step back and realign.
Because love, especially toward the unlovable, is not a spontaneous emotion — it’s a Spirit-led choice.
1. Remember: Loving the Unlovable Starts with Remembering How Much We’ve Been Loved
When Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44), He wasn’t giving a light, feel-good suggestion. He was giving us a glimpse of how divine love truly works.
The only reason we can love others — especially the difficult ones — is because God first loved us. And when we truly remember how deep and undeserved His love is, it changes the way we respond to others.
Think about it: how many times have we failed God?
How many times have we said we’d do better, only to fall again?
And yet, He never stopped loving us.
Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” We were once unlovable too — yet He loved us first.
When that truth sinks in, we begin to see others differently.
- That rude coworker? Maybe they’re acting from a place of deep insecurity.
- That difficult relative? Maybe they’ve been unloved for so long, they’ve forgotten what love feels like.
- That person who hurt you? Maybe they don’t even realize how broken they are inside.
Loving the unlovable doesn’t mean excusing their actions. It means choosing to see them through the eyes of grace — the same eyes God used when He looked at us. And often, that love begins not in words or gestures, but in prayer.
Because sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is bring that person to the Lord and say, “Lord, I can’t love them right now. But You can. Teach me to love through You.”
2. Learn to Respond, Not React
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is this: you can’t control how others treat you, but you can control how you respond.
When someone speaks harshly, our natural reaction is to defend ourselves. But when we let emotions drive us, we usually end up saying things we don’t mean.
James 1:19–20 reminds us,
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
That verse used to challenge me — because slowing down when you’re already hurt feels so unnatural. But the more I walk with God, the more I realize that silence can be sacred.
Sometimes, holding your tongue doesn’t mean weakness. It means strength under control. It’s choosing peace over pride. When you pause, you allow the Holy Spirit to step in before your emotions take over.That small moment of silence becomes a space for grace to move.
If you’ve ever found yourself in a heated moment, here’s a small practice that’s helped me:
Before responding, whisper a short prayer — “Lord, help me see this the way You see it.”
It sounds simple, but it works wonders.
It recenters your focus from “How dare they?” to “Lord, what are You teaching me here?”
Because sometimes the real battle isn’t about who’s right — it’s about who’s willing to respond rightly.
3. Let Love Lead You Toward Healing, Not Hardening
Here’s a truth I wish I learned sooner:
Loving the unlovable isn’t about them changing — it’s about you being changed.
God uses difficult people not to make us miserable, but to make us more like Jesus. Every time we choose grace over bitterness, we grow a little more into His likeness.
But loving the unlovable doesn’t mean staying in toxic situations or allowing constant disrespect. Boundaries and love can coexist. You can love someone and still say, “This is not okay.” You can forgive without giving full access again. Love isn’t about pretending things are fine — it’s about refusing to let hatred take root in your heart.
Because unforgiveness hardens us slowly. It poisons our joy, peace, and even our intimacy with God.
Ephesians 4:31–32 says,
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
That’s the heart of it — forgiveness is not something we give because others deserve it, but because we’ve already received it.
And when we forgive, we set ourselves free.
There’s peace that comes when you release the need to be understood or repaid.
Because at the end of the day, God sees. God knows.
And He promises to heal what people have broken.
Final Thoughts: Love That Points Back to Him
Loving the unlovable will never be easy — but it will always be worth it. Because in doing so, we reflect the heart of the One who loved us first.
Every time we choose kindness over anger, forgiveness over pride, and compassion over resentment, we are telling the world,
“This is what Jesus looks like.”
And maybe, just maybe, that’s what the unlovable person in your life needs most —not another argument, not another lecture, but a glimpse of a love that doesn’t make sense, a love that points them back to the Father.
So today, if you’re struggling to love someone difficult, remember this:
You’re not loving from your own strength.
You’re loving from a well that never runs dry — His love flowing through you.
Reflection Questions
- Who in your life is God asking you to love, even when it feels impossible?
- What would it look like to pause and pray before reacting in frustration?
- How can remembering God’s love for you help you extend grace to others this week?
Verse of the Day
“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”
— 1 John 4:7
Thanks for Reading 💛
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