Lately, I’ve been trying to live each day with intention—bearing fruit, walking in kindness, becoming more like Christ in my actions and words. I strive to reflect God’s goodness in the way I speak, the way I carry myself, and the way I respond to others—especially in my workplace.
I’ve been learning to be more mindful of my words and the conversations I engage in. When certain topics or tones start to feel misaligned with the person I’m becoming, I gently choose to stay quiet. I aim to carry gentleness and respect—even in moments when it would be easier not to.
But there are still moments—times when I find myself feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, or unsettled. Especially when responsibilities suddenly land on me, or when things go off track because of circumstances outside my control. In those moments, my responses don’t always reflect the calm or grace I’m striving for. It’s even harder when the people involved are my family or close friends—people I love, but with whom I tend to be less guarded and mindful. In those moments, I find my old patterns resurfacing.
I hate that I still feel this way, even when I try so hard to remain calm.
It reminds me of the words in Matthew 26:41:
“The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
My spirit truly is willing. I want to be better. I want to live like Christ—not just when it’s easy, but when it’s hard. Not just around strangers, but especially with the people closest to me—my family and my friends. I want them to see how God is changing me. I want them to experience, through me, what it means to live with Him and for Him. I want them to see that loving God is good.
That’s why I’m not giving up. I want to keep growing.
Even if I fail every day, I want to keep trying.
Even when I fall short, I want to keep coming back.
Because when I am weak, He is strong.
I’ve been praying that during my coming Sabbath year, God would lead me to a deeper sense of community—one that helps me grow, that sharpens me, and that reflects His character more and more. I desire to surround myself with others who are also seeking God, because I’ve learned that the people you walk with influence the direction of your heart.
And in the meantime, I keep seeking Him.
I dwell in His Word. I sit in His presence.
And I remind myself daily that growth takes time—but God is patient, and He is working.
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If you’re feeling the same—if your spirit is willing but your flesh is weak—know this:
You are not alone.
You are not failing.
You are growing.
And God sees every step. Every try. Every tear. Every restart.
He delights in your desire to follow Him. And He will finish the work He began in you.
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Faithfully,
Yani
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